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Just a Placebo's avatar

I phrase it slightly harsher, against living my best life according to the TED advisory committee:

Over 90% of recruiters rely on LinkedIn, yet only about .08% of applications lead to an offer. LinkedIn is phony ... a facade. LinkedIn is 4Chan for frightened would-be hires. A reverberating choir of HR-speak. Online dating for starry-eyed hopefuls. LinkedIn is a carnival of digitized corporate body odor illuminated by poorly balanced fluorescent light that somehow loves itself. LinkedIn drowns reality in a thick sea of forced positivity as cruel as Immortan Joe’s waterfall.

LinkedIn as much as any swampy region of the internet needs to be reconsidered or outright dropped. Good luck with that. Any expression sufficiently off course, such as this, is to behave excessively weird. To shout against the insane echoes of the platform is to toss one’s tiny fraction of a chance away. Good. The platform thrives off disorienting fear. It is a numbing assembly best for stagnating minds.

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Cymposium's avatar

Thanks for reading and your comment!

A pity we can't include bits and bobs of this into our article, lol. What you're talking about jives with my personal experience and those that I know. Interesting point on thriving on mass generated fear, I never quite thought of it that way...

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Just a Placebo's avatar

The fear part naturally comes with the territory as a consequence of the platform being closely related to either potential or realized income and career reputation. Little deliberate effort is required to generate fearful insecurities on that front. Given that my writing shtick relies on dramatically scathing satire bent frustrated, and to highlight quirked perspectives, I let this one rip.

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Cristina Carmona Aliaga's avatar

Really enjoyed this and laugh out loud several times as the examples are spot on! I only have LinkedIn because it's necessary to be seen in my line of work to be credible and that alone tells you how reliant we've become on thinking people with an online presence on the platform versus those without it as more trustworthy and professional. That of course doesn't mean we should blindly trust everything we see online and LinkedIn is a perfect example of it as it is fueled by people patting their own backs...

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Cymposium's avatar

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Yep, same here, maintaining my LinkedIn account primarily for others instead of for myself. Also need to periodically update it with faff lest the space think I'm a fake account or a fraud. Unlike other social media, which we can effectively ignore, LinkedIn compels us to engage indirectly by making others invest in it and social pressure.

Fun times, lol.

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Cristina Carmona Aliaga's avatar

The day we can get rid of LinkedIn we would have won at life 😂

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Cymposium's avatar

Amen to that!

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Harrison's avatar

Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining industry line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.

check us out:

https://thesecretingredient.substack.com

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Cymposium's avatar

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Checked your substack out, recipes look divine, subbed!

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ben's avatar

The whole Corporate flavour of LinkedIn gives me the ick. Although I did genuinely get my last job through LinkedIn, that was back in 2013, and one of the best things about burning out and retiring a decade later is that I could leave LinkedIn behind. Bliss.

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Sunset Thunder's avatar

I retired 3 years ago and I STILL get notifications that “94 people noticed you today”.

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Cymposium's avatar

You must be a LinkedIn star before you retired! On average I only have like 10 ppl on LinkedIn interested in me…

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Cymposium's avatar

Thanks for your comment, and amen to that.

Yeah, LinkedIn was hot back in those days for job searches, and it actually worked for that, unlike today.

I silently quit LinkedIn years ago when I saw what it had become and never looked back. Okay, well, I sometimes drop in to check on messages from friends et al., but I never linger long enough to begin doom scrolling.

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D J's avatar

Microsoft happened to LinkedIn

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Cymposium's avatar

Indeed, and it turned aggressive with the marketing its subscription bit

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Bruno Bettati's avatar

Hilarious, yet disheartening article.

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Partfindermarine's Substack's avatar

Thought it was just me, bored with the “look how brilliant we are and how much we spend on corporate videos”. So much BS no substance and tbh very little style either so thank you for writing this.

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Cymposium's avatar

Thanks for reading and your comment, and you're welcome!

Yeah, it's been turning into a deafening echo chamber the past few years, and I can't be bothered to even open it anymore. Glad to see I'm not alone in this, lol

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Jason Frowley PhD's avatar

It’s a necessary evil? Damn, I thought it was just a regular one.

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Cymposium's avatar

Lol, it takes on all forms nowadays…

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Ben Jones's avatar

I don’t want to knock it too hard, as I did, after all, use it to get my present job, but it does grate at times. It’s the queasy, mindless, positive-at-all-costs chirpiness that gets me. I fully believe that you could put up a photo of an einzatsgruppen death squad, and within a week some dipshit would have replied, “wow, great team!” possibly followed by, “interested. Check my profile.”

The other thing is the heartbreaking poignancy of some posts, like when you get some poor fucker who’s sixty one years old, and has just been laid off as a middle manager in some AI-doomed profession, posting that he’s not going to let it all “define him,” before rattling on about how his daily job hunting routine will start at 0400 with an hour of yoga, a six mile run, and a cup of green tea.

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