Family Feud: The Islamic Version

Breaking down the Islamic monolith

I swear by the One Whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad, my nation will split into seventy-three sects, one of which will be in Paradise and seventy-two in Hell.

-Sunan Ibn Majah 3992

Islam, that ever-present spectre looming over 21st-century geopolitics, has been at the heart of modern upheaval—first with the attacks of 11th September, then with the so-called War on Terror, and the cascading ruin of the Middle East that continues to unfold even as we speak. In a region where culture and religion are so inextricably bound, Islam—whether as origin, justification, solution, or scapegoat—is invariably woven into the narrative. It is the thread that stitches together every crisis, the backdrop against which each catastrophe is framed.

But what, precisely, is Islam? A question so deceptively simple that Western policymakers, particularly those who launched themselves headlong into Afghanistan and later Iraq, never felt the need to ask it. Their acquaintance with Islam, if it could be called that, extended little beyond the occasional kebab shop in their hometowns, the Arabian Nights fables of Ali Baba and Aladdin, and a vague sense of an exotic, inscrutable faith. Over the years, scholars, journalists, and self-styled experts have laboured to demystify it—some with genuine curiosity, others with ideological agendas masquerading as insight. Yet the result, predictably, has been a divided discourse. The liberal left, ever eager to parade its cultural tolerance, bends over backwards to accommodate Islam within the framework of modern pluralism, while the right-wing sceptics see it as a fundamental and existential threat to their way of life.

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The "Autobiography" Trump Should Have Written

The unauthorized parody that's taking the world by storm!

Ever wondered what goes on inside that famous head of hair? Now you can find out in this hilarious, no-holds-barred imagining of the memoir he'd write himself—if he had the time between "making deals" and "being the best."

Written with all the subtlety of a gold-plated escalator and the modesty of a 70-story tower with his name emblazoned on it, this parody captures the voice, the vocabulary, and the... very, very large opinions that made him famous.

WARNING: May contain the greatest words, the most beautiful sentences, and definitely the biggest claims you've ever read. Tremendous stuff. The most tremendous. Everyone's saying it.